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Question 5

How should we approach a woman who we suspect is using?

‘Suspect’ is a word with negative connotations. Let’s reframe the question to read, “ How should we approach a woman who may be sensitive about discussing her personal substance use as a safety concern?” Alcoholics and addicts do not cause addiction and they do not ‘like’ it. They have a major illness. The number one symptom of this illness is to believe one is well. This belief plus social acceptance of drinking or taking medication to kill pain makes it hard for alcoholic /addicts to seek help they need. Many times they don’t seek help.

Generally speaking, it is useful to note observations of use and directly mention them to the person you are concerned about. A sample way to deal with the obvious problem head on is as follows:

“You and I both know you have been under a lot of pressure lately during your stay. And you and I both know anyone will look for a way to feel better when they are feeling stressed. I’m concerned about you because you and I both know you have been drinking this morning. Lots of women I see do the same thing. How can I help you find a safer way to cope?”

It engages the person to bring her into the discussion. Positively recognize, she knows what is going on as well as you do. Expressing care and concern rather than being critical is most useful when helping chemically dependent battered women, confront their own addiction. Confrontation by the woman of her own addiction can be a goal but should not be the style of your interaction. Be gentle. Chemically dependent battered women are often on the receiving end of unkind comments and criticism. Always include messages about the benefits of stopping use any time.

Sample topics to discuss (whether in support group or 1-1) include the following:

1. Can you tell me why it may not be safe to use when someone is trying to stalk you/kill you?
2. How can your partner use your drinking or drug use to hurt you?
3. How has your partner used alcohol or other drugs to control/threaten/shame you?
4. When you have not been able to drink or use in the past, what helped you to cope? Can you do that now?
5. If there is one thing I (or the group) can do to help you stay safe and sober today, what would that be?
6. How could drinking or drug use impact parenting/housing/police response/legal response/interactions with OCS/CPS, other systems or issues?

A woman may find it easier to talk about her partner’s use before she feels safe enough to talk about her own. If a woman discloses her partner abuses substances, an advocate might state:

“Many women tell me their partners don’t want to drink or drug alone. How often have you found yourself stuck using when you didn’t want to?” This is a non-judgmental way to elicit information and provides an opportunity to explore drug related domestic violence. I/V drug users may be particularly vulnerable when targeted by batterers.

Women disclose their partners put them on the street to trade sex for drugs against their will. Many women I/V drug users begin their drug use in the context of a relationship. They may never shoot up alone. Their partner shoots-up for them. Introducing a partner to illicit drug use is a form of domestic violence. Another form of abuse occurs when a batterer deliberately uses dirty needles or cottons or misses a vein on purpose. This also poses a risk for transmission of disease including hepatitis and HIV. Maintaining power and control by serving as a connection or determining a partner’s drug supply can also be a form of domestic violence.

Chemically dependent battered women may believe their safety will be assured if they just get sober. For a chemically dependent battered woman, getting sober can pose new risk. An abusive partner may increase violence as the recovering battered woman becomes harder to control. Before screening for substance abuse, validate a woman’s survival and praise her sincerely for finding her own way to cope. This should lead to a discussion where you can include the following:

• “You deserve credit for finding a way to cope. Tell me what made you able to survive?”
• “Many women I see tell me when they experience pain they find a way to deal with it. Some women tell me they become compulsive cleaners; others get into shopping, eating or not eating, sleeping a lot or working too much. Have you tried any of these ways of coping? A lot of women tell me the best way to cope is to numb out by drinking or drugging. How often has this worked for you? Can you think of any reasons why drinking or drugging could be unsafe for someone with an abusive partner?” What kinds of luck have you had with other coping skills?”

 

Getting Safe and Sober: Real Tools You Can Use
©Alaska Network on Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault 2005

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